home.
-to return by instinct to one's territory after leaving it.
It has felt incredibly refreshing to be home, back to the place where I was raised, where I know every turn of every dirt road within miles of the farm. Being in the company of my best friends and closest family has completely healed every ache and longing I felt being away. But the gnawing of my approaching return to the battlefield is weighing heavier each day...feeling like a lump in the back of my throat that I just...can't gulp...down...
I am in the midst of a mid-vacation crisis, running through my mind all the things that I wanted to do when I was home that I won't have time for now...and I wonder if this is a small version of what people experience in their forties.
When I left for Afghanistan in January, I was on the brink of the most grand of adventures, diving headlong into an experience I was ill-prepared for in every way, save ambition. I am already beginning to brace myself for re-entry...preparing every facet for impact. Because really? That's what it feels like...
When exposed to danger unknowing of it's depth, unable to grasp the reality of it, coping is easy because one can just move forward. But now, I am going back knowing precisely what I will be encountering...and it makes going back that much harder. My gratitude for those in my life supporting me weighs heavy on me this morning...because that support is what will propel me into the adversities I am about to face once more, all in the name of
<3
-to return by instinct to one's territory after leaving it.
It has felt incredibly refreshing to be home, back to the place where I was raised, where I know every turn of every dirt road within miles of the farm. Being in the company of my best friends and closest family has completely healed every ache and longing I felt being away. But the gnawing of my approaching return to the battlefield is weighing heavier each day...feeling like a lump in the back of my throat that I just...can't gulp...down...
I am in the midst of a mid-vacation crisis, running through my mind all the things that I wanted to do when I was home that I won't have time for now...and I wonder if this is a small version of what people experience in their forties.
When I left for Afghanistan in January, I was on the brink of the most grand of adventures, diving headlong into an experience I was ill-prepared for in every way, save ambition. I am already beginning to brace myself for re-entry...preparing every facet for impact. Because really? That's what it feels like...
Joyfully freefalling into the belly-flop on water.
When exposed to danger unknowing of it's depth, unable to grasp the reality of it, coping is easy because one can just move forward. But now, I am going back knowing precisely what I will be encountering...and it makes going back that much harder. My gratitude for those in my life supporting me weighs heavy on me this morning...because that support is what will propel me into the adversities I am about to face once more, all in the name of
Supporting Our Troops.
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment