warrior ethos

Being in Afghanistan, faced with danger on a daily basis, is going to change a person. This place is an anomoly, harboring delicate beauty in the hell of a warzone. Allowing myself to be open to this place, to let it change me...

 

it has turned me into someone I

could spend the rest of my life with.

 

When I left Minnesota, I was running. I could list a hundred reasons why, but the bottom line was that I was unhappy with myself...and I knew that this adventure was going to change my life forever. Living in depravity has shown me what I can actually live without, but as an American, was choosing not to. This lifestyle is definitely going to be following me home...there is peace in simplicity. And acccording to Da Vinci, it is "the ultimate sophistication."

 

I worry about my mind here though...PTSD, anxiety (which I already deal with regularly, especially while flying), nightmares...and there is no price on my peace, my mind, or my life. I've already managed through a plane crash, my dad's car accident, my relationship failing, rockets coming and going, insurgents tearing down the fence to my camp, the Afghan National Army (ANA) turning on our Marines and instigating gun fights, along with 6 ANA going missing from their compound, I was attacked by a Jordanian soldier in March, being on complete lockdown and relieved from my work duties, revolt from the Koran being burned in Kabul, and the latest grievance of the trailer being released promoting a movie that portrays Mohammed as a womanizer and child molester...along with the daily stress of being an attractive, American, Christian, light-skinned female in an Arab country, in a camp of 3000+ men...

 

To say that I don't take crap from anyone is an understatment. I will never back down, I will never give up, and I will never lose faith. I will never stop fighting for what I believe, encouraging those around me, and giving life to the lifeless. I will never be quieted. I am passionate about those I love and care for, for their happiness and well-being...and I am passionate about my life. Constantly learning and growing, I refuse to be treated less than I deserve...nor will I ever treat another less than they deserve. I will live to be the best human being that I can, with honor, dignity, and integrity.

 

I have the privilege of living the best of both worlds here, Military and Civilian.

And I would never trade this experience for anything, no matter the level of difficulty.

 

 

 

 



 



 

dream interpretations: SO COOL!!

As of late, although I've been trying to remain optimstic about the remainder of my tentue here in Afghanistan, my inner turmoil about it is borderline overwhelming. Stress, fear, uncertainty...but I know that my perserverance will purge my desire to come home.
All of that being said, I had a dream last night...check THIS out.

My dream started when I was in the upstairs of what appeared to be Sarah Pitzen's childhood home, but it was mine. I opened the window (which opened essentially to an overhang of the roof), and there were hundreds of mice scurrying all over the roof. I went to go tell my Dad right away, and I distinctly recall him holding WWII era spectacles, teaching me about them and how they were made a specific way to be worn during wartime.
*end dream*

So, I wake up with warm fuzzies because it's my Daddy and I love him so, but also because he was radiating with pride as he was showing me the artifact. I went ahead and checked out what the meaning of each part of the dream was, and this is what I discovered:

Dreaming of
---mice signifies my spending too much time worrying about insignificant matters and dwelling on minor problems.
---the rooftop signifies a barrier between two states of consciousness; as in, I am protecting my consciousness, mentalities, or beliefs.
---my Dad means that I am trying to incorporate his character into my own. (and I have always said that I absolutely love him, and that he has taught me everything I know about integrity, honesty, and hard work in the face of adversity!!)
---a window signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities, and insight. By opening it, I am opening myself to it, while recognizing that I am worrying about small things that don't matter (the mice).

The fact that my Dad was teaching me means that I feel I am being put to the test, and I am seeking advice and knowledge on how to proceed. My learning means that I am gaining a deeper understanding of myself.

The glasses that my Dad was holding signify that I am being seen and understood, or seeking to be.
Now, the fact that the glasses were from WWII signifies one of two things. Either:
       a: My Dad takes a special liking to learning about history, WWII being his favorite, or
       b: foreshadowing of a metal shock I am about to go through.
                                  *hopefully its the former!! ;)

And I believe that dreaming of Sarah Pitzen's house was just a note of comfort in my childhood. There are notes saying that I have unresolved feelings that I am trying to incorporate into my adult personality, but I don't necessarily agree with that. To dream of my own home would signify my own security, basic needs, and values. But because it was hers, I think it was just safety.

There is definitely something to be said about dream interpretation...and I won't lie, it was interesting learning! I dream very often, but usually, it's pretty clear what I am dreaming about or what the purpose of it is (ie: where I should live, what my future will look like, what God wants me to do with my life, etc) This makes me want to start a dream journal so I can keep track of patterns and other notes...dream on! :)