sobbing.
i laid down for a nap and woke up 12 hours later, disoriented and crying. so much has changed here since i've been gone...even little things, like the area where i used to sit and skype? it's no longer there. so now? i don't know where to go.
i feel like i intentionally threw myself into a nightmare, no looking back. unfortunately, that will do nothing to help me through this, so i eagerly search for things to be grateful for.
that i washed and bagged up my bedding before i left. (so it's clean and fresh to make now)
...(pause)...
i saw some coworkers who asked about my trip...?
...(pause)...
honestly, this is a lot harder than i thought it would be...
i'm grateful i made it here in one piece.
i was talking to a friend today who told me that even though i am weak currently, i wouldn't have come back here if i didn't think i could do it. it was like a light switch in my brain because...
no matter how testing this is, i wouldn't have thrown myself into this fire if i didn't think that i could make it out. so that is the single strand i cling to now...i can make it out of this. i'm not alone, if anything...i have God here with me, and He can feel every beat of my broken heart as He carefully soothes and comforts it (and me) now.
and i will never regret coming back here and shining my light into the darkness...i would if i didn't. So i will move forward and grow where i am planted now, relying on God's strength which far outweighs my own...
it is the only resolution to this. <3
i laid down for a nap and woke up 12 hours later, disoriented and crying. so much has changed here since i've been gone...even little things, like the area where i used to sit and skype? it's no longer there. so now? i don't know where to go.
i feel like i intentionally threw myself into a nightmare, no looking back. unfortunately, that will do nothing to help me through this, so i eagerly search for things to be grateful for.
that i washed and bagged up my bedding before i left. (so it's clean and fresh to make now)
...(pause)...
i saw some coworkers who asked about my trip...?
...(pause)...
honestly, this is a lot harder than i thought it would be...
i'm grateful i made it here in one piece.
i was talking to a friend today who told me that even though i am weak currently, i wouldn't have come back here if i didn't think i could do it. it was like a light switch in my brain because...
she's absolutely right.
no matter how testing this is, i wouldn't have thrown myself into this fire if i didn't think that i could make it out. so that is the single strand i cling to now...i can make it out of this. i'm not alone, if anything...i have God here with me, and He can feel every beat of my broken heart as He carefully soothes and comforts it (and me) now.
and i will never regret coming back here and shining my light into the darkness...i would if i didn't. So i will move forward and grow where i am planted now, relying on God's strength which far outweighs my own...
it is the only resolution to this. <3
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