Being in Afghanistan, faced with danger on a daily basis, is going to change a person. This place is an anomoly, harboring delicate beauty in the hell of a warzone. Allowing myself to be open to this place, to let it change me...
it has turned me into someone I
could spend the rest of my life with.
When I left Minnesota, I was running. I could list a hundred reasons why, but the bottom line was that I was unhappy with myself...and I knew that this adventure was going to change my life forever. Living in depravity has shown me what I can actually live without, but as an American, was choosing not to. This lifestyle is definitely going to be following me home...there is peace in simplicity. And acccording to Da Vinci, it is "the ultimate sophistication."
I worry about my mind here though...PTSD, anxiety (which I already deal with regularly, especially while flying), nightmares...and there is no price on my peace, my mind, or my life. I've already managed through a plane crash, my dad's car accident, my relationship failing, rockets coming and going, insurgents tearing down the fence to my camp, the Afghan National Army (ANA) turning on our Marines and instigating gun fights, along with 6 ANA going missing from their compound, I was attacked by a Jordanian soldier in March, being on complete lockdown and relieved from my work duties, revolt from the Koran being burned in Kabul, and the latest grievance of the trailer being released promoting a movie that portrays Mohammed as a womanizer and child molester...along with the daily stress of being an attractive, American, Christian, light-skinned female in an Arab country, in a camp of 3000+ men...
To say that I don't take crap from anyone is an understatment. I will never back down, I will never give up, and I will never lose faith. I will never stop fighting for what I believe, encouraging those around me, and giving life to the lifeless. I will never be quieted. I am passionate about those I love and care for, for their happiness and well-being...and I am passionate about my life. Constantly learning and growing, I refuse to be treated less than I deserve...nor will I ever treat another less than they deserve. I will live to be the best human being that I can, with honor, dignity, and integrity.
I have the privilege of living the best of both worlds here, Military and Civilian.
And I would never trade this experience for anything, no matter the level of difficulty.
Jordan, I am sorry for all the trials you have had to face in such a short time but I am happy to see that you are still standing. You have been strong enough to look those dangers in the face and say "is that all you got!". As for your failed relationship I am sorry to read that you have not found anyone fitting to be your partner in life. I'm sure there have been offers but it's good to see you are strong enough to move on alone and not settle for less than you feel you deserve. I hope you find true happiness in the future and continue to learn about life on a more gradual slope.
ReplyDeleteAll the best.
Your "friend"
RH